{BEING MOM} Everything You Need To Know: Part I

I’ve heard of so many friends and friends of friends who have recently had babies or found out that they’re expecting, and I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been asked for my top baby tips or best baby buys over the past couple of weeks. 

I’ve also come to the realisation that I really, really love sharing my baby finds and all the lessons I’ve learnt in the year and a half since I first discovered that I was pregnant. There were so many times during my pregnancy or during the early weeks of Bean's life when I felt so completely and utterly lost, but I was too embarrassed to ask for advice or help. All my friends seemed to be coping so well; I didn't want to admit that I was struggling for fear that it might mean that I am not cut out for the business of motherhood after all. I've since learnt that I wasn't the only one who found it difficult - we were all struggling, and we were all too scared to admit it. I wanted to compile a series of posts with my top tips and best buys to share with other moms that are in the same boat: first time moms or expectant moms that don't have a clue what they're doing, as well as 'old' moms who've done this all before, but have realised that no two babies are alike (so it really is like starting from scratch... or so I've heard!) There are so many finds that I've stumbled upon since Bean's birth that I would have loved during my pregnancy or during the first weeks of his life, so I'll also be drawing up my list of 'items I wish I had... and why'.

I don’t profess to know it all because I definitely do not and I learn something new every day. I also want to stress the fact that these stories are simply my experiences and examples of what’s worked for me, and may not necessarily work for other moms and babies out there. But if I help even one mom avoid feeling like a panic-stricken mess (as I so often felt during the first couple of weeks), my work here is done.

The biggest piece of advice I have to offer any pregnant woman is this: read, read, read, and then read some more. Devour every single book you can lay your hands on, visit every baby website in existence, and scour baby blogs for tips and tricks. Then, file all that info neatly at the very back of your mind, and forget it all. I really do think that there’s value in being informed, but I think that we often rely on books and external influences far too much, particularly when it comes to parenting. We are biologically wired to do this: you can do this, and you don’t need Supernanny to tell you how to do it, either! (Do I need to point out that TV’s Supernanny, Jo Frost, has no children of her own? Just saying…)

When Bean was about 2 or 3 weeks old (and the adrenaline had worn off and the reality of life as a time-starved, sleep-deprived and clueless mom had set in), I had a complete and utter melt-down. I felt like the worst mother on the planet and lamented about how terrified I was of ‘ruining’ Bean. Every book I read stated that newborn babies usually sleep for 2 to 3 hours and should be fed every 3 to 4 hours, yet my baby woke as often as every 40 minutes and ate just as often. I tried everything: swaddling, ‘dream feeding’, baby-wearing, introducing a dummy, but nothing seemed to work. Bean still woke up and fed roughly every hour.

After much research I started suspecting that Bean may have reflux, which was later confirmed by our paeditrician. Now it suddenly all made sense: in an effort to minimise discomfort, Bean ate less, which meant that he fed more frequently. Smaller, more frequent meals = frequent wakings. Of course! At this point, I realised that Bean’s sleeping patterns had absolutely nothing to do with my parenting skills and did not mean that I had a ‘difficult’ baby. I immediately vowed to stop comparing Bean to other babies, and I promptly packed all my books away and started trusting my instincts.

It’s amazing how things shifted from that moment onwards: I became far more relaxed and felt so much more confident, and this rubbed off on Bean who suddenly cried a whole lot less. I’ve really found the old adage of ‘calm mom, calm baby’ to be true; If I’m feeling relaxed and stress-free, those feelings of calm seem to rub off on Bean and he’s a much happier baby as a result.

Did you read lots of pregnancy- and babycare books during your pregnancy? Did you follow the advice religiously, and did these books prove helpful to you? I’d love to hear!