On sleepless nights, newborn onesies and little milestones

Motherhood. Wow. No one warned me about the relentlessness of it all: the endless feeds, the sleepless nights, having this little being completely dependent on you literally every minute of every day. How you don't have time for yourself anymore and, when you do, how badly you miss your child and silently long for him to wake up so that you can look at him and talk to him and play with him again. Nobody told me just how much I would love him: how my heart would break for him when time came for his 6 week vaccinations, how I would drop everything to tend to him when he starts to stir, how little things that seemed so important before his birth (the clothes I'm wearing, Friday night plans, updating my blog) would matter now that he is here.

Also, how incredibly quickly time goes by. Exactly seven weeks ago to the minute, I was lying in a hospital bed, looking at my newborn and marveling at the miracle that is life: how this gorgeous little being spent 38 weeks growing in my belly, and how just a couple of weeks prior to that he didn't even exist on this Earth. Now, as I sit in the next room, reflecting on how much he has grown and changed, I can't help but feel very, very proud - and a little bit sad, too.

Last night, Bean slept in his big cot in his own bedroom for the very first time. Up until now, he's been sleeping in a Moses basket in our room (and, I must confess, occasionally in our bed too!), but he's fast outgrowing the crib (and after 7 weeks of focusing solely on baby, it's about time that mom and dad reclaimed their bedroom and started to carve out more time for themselves). I cried. A lot. It seems so silly, but it felt like such a big step. It felt like I was letting go of my vulnerable little newborn and accepting the fact that he has now grown into a fully-fledged baby. A baby that can hold his own neck up, who doesn't cry at bath time, who grunts when he's hungry and moans when you touch his leg while he's feeding. A baby who no longer fits into his little newborn clothes, and a baby who drank from a bottle for the very first time today.

Too many little milestones in one day for one new mommy to handle. I feel so incredibly proud of my beautiful son and how well he is growing, but I can't help but feel a bit blue at the thought that, before I know it, he'll be a grown man who won't need me in quite the same way as he needs me right now.

One thing motherhood has taught me so far? To live in the present and cherish each and every moment. I no longer read magazines or check my iPhone while feeding Bean - this is my chance to look into his eyes and connect with him on a deeper level. I don't resent the early morning feeds, I look at them as opportunities to spend some time alone with my son. I don't wish for one day to end so that the next can begin, even on bad days; I understand that today is the only chance I'll get to enjoy my son for who and what he is at this exact moment. He is changing and growing so fast at the moment, who knows who he'll become tomorrow?