Baby Bump: (36 Weeks}

{Excuse the messy hair - it IS Sunday, after all!}

This past week has seen me return to a life of relative normality after a whole month on holiday; the calm before the storm, perhaps? I went back to work this week, and I've been reminded of just how lucky I am to have such an amazing career. I really do love my work and I'm grateful that I get to wake up every morning to do something that really stimulates, interests and motivates me. It's a good reminder, especially as I'm about to take off four months to look after my little boy. I know that returning to work and leaving him alone (well, he'll be at home with his daddy and nanny, so he won't be alone... but I'm sure other moms and moms-to-be out there can relate!) is going to be one of the most difficult things I'll ever have to do, so I'm going to do my best to remember just how much I gain from my career every day. It isn't 'just a job' or a means to pay the bills. It's a love, a passion - something I would happily do, even if I wasn't paid to do it.

I also went for my 36 week check up this week and was a little disappointed (but a little relieved, too) to discover that Bean is still happily chilling out in Breech position. I'd hoped that he would have turned by now, but he seems to take after his daddy - logical ("why on earth would I chill out upside down for nine months?") and stubborn! Fortunately we still have a small window of opportunity for him to turn into the correct position for birth, but if he hasn't turned by my next appointment, it's likely that we'll set a date for a Caesarian. This is where the disappointed, yet secretly relieved bit comes in: I've been pretty relaxed about giving birth up until now and decided fairly early on that I was happy to give birth naturally or via C-section, as long as my baby is safe and healthy. There's a part of me that really, really, really doesn't want to give birth naturally. I know my body is designed to do this, but believe me, I can feel his head resting just below my rib cage and it is HUGE. Just thinking about that little (big!) head coming out of there makes me hyperventilate. Then there's the fear of the unknown: when will it happen, where will it happen (at work? In Woolies? While I'm driving?), what will it feel like, what does a contraction actually feel like, how painful is it really...? You get the picture. And don't even get me started on the ugly bits, like tearing (eek!)...

Needless to say, the sheer simplicity of a Caesarian really appeals to me. Now don't get me wrong, I know it's a major operation and that it's anything but simple, but I'm referring more to the fact that it's pretty planned - you know exactly when it will happen, and there's no need to worry about whether you're having a contraction or whether this is really it. (Also, no tearing and no need to practice those Kegels!)

But despite all this, there's still a part of me that would like to give natural birth a go. I don't know if it's an inherent, biological thing, but I think there's something rather romantic about labour and giving birth naturally. Is that weird? Yes? Thought so!

Either way, I still don't really know where I stand on the matter, even after eight and a half months, so I'm going to stick to my original game plan: I'm going to allow my baby to come any which way he prefers. If he insists on staying Breech and we're faced with selecting the date in about two weeks' time, so be it. If he turns, I'll gladly do as nature intended (while holding thumbs that it isn't so painful after all...)