An Honest Parenting Post: Co-Sleeping

'Die Drei Lebenslater' - Gustuv Klimt (Source)

I'm just going to put it out there: we co-sleep. Usually when I utter that phrase, I'm met with stares of horror, loud gasps and vehement protests: "You're going to regret this, trust me!" "It's the worst thing you could possibly do." To be honest? I love it.


I've loved every minute of it since we started co-sleeping properly when Bean was about 10 weeks old. In fact, I wish I started co-sleeping from the get-go. If we ever have another baby, I think I'll pop him or her into bed with us from day one. (We've actually removed the one side of Bean's cot and pushed the cot up against my side of the bed so it's become an extension of our bed, but there are nights when he ends up in bed right next to me). I honestly believe that too many first-time parents are discouraged from co-sleeping, so I wanted to write up a post on my experience of co-sleeping to (hopefully) help other first-time parents who are considering co-sleeping make peace with their decision. Now, I fully understand and accept that co-sleeping isn't for everyone so this isn't a post about how everyone must co-sleep or else! I simply felt strongly enough about our decision to co-sleep and the benefits that it's had for our baby (and me, if I'm honest) to share it with the world.

1. I get more sleep. Bean slept in a little Moses basket in our bedroom for the first 7 or 8 weeks of his life before we attempted to move him into his 'big cot' in his own bedroom just across the hall from us. This lasted for about two weeks in total - the two most painful weeks I've ever lived through. My evenings went a little something like this: Bath Bean at 6pm, then feed and burp him while sitting in his quiet, dark room. Wait until he's "drowsy but still awake" (as recommended by all the baby-care experts), then put him in his cot and allow him to fall asleep on his own. He never did. He'd start wriggling around, then moan a bit, and eventually start crying (I'll just make it known at this point that, although I know it works for some, I don't believe in 'crying it out' and don't plan on sleep-training my baby, either). So I'd pick him up and start the whole process again - minus the bath this time, of course. And that was my nightly ritual from 7pm until 10 pm most nights. Not fun, I think most of you'll agree. And not the way I envisioned spending whole evenings once I returned to work. So many people have told me that I should "just push through", but two weeks was about all I could take, thank you very much. Then there's the night time feeds: Noah still wakes up at around 1:30am and again at around 5:30am to feed, but at that stage he woke up to feed roughly every two to three hours. Because he was in another room, I'd only hear him once he was already wide awake and moaning pretty loudly; sometimes crying - this despite having a baby monitor on 24/7 - so it would take me much longer to get him to fall asleep after a feed. Also, having to get up out of bed and walk across the hall to sit up and feed my baby often meant that I was wide awake and unable to fall asleep after a feed. Now? I tend to Bean the minute he starts to stir (so he doesn't wake up properly) and  I often fall asleep while he's still feeding. Some nights I wake up at 3am to discover that my boob is in his mouth, but I have no idea how it got there - it's like he makes his own way to my breast and suckles as and when he pleases (There are obviously important safety measures to be taken here - see more below).

2. It's an amazing opportunity to bond with your baby. I find this is especially true since returning to work: I miss out on spending time with Bean for roughly ten to twelve hours every day, so I love cuddling him, feeding him and sleeping with him nearby.

3. Contrary to popular belief, co-sleeping does NOT = a boring (or non-existent) sex life. The most effective cure for a hum-drum sex life that's confined to the bedroom? Co-sleeping! Yes, it means you'll need to be more creative and find new (often thrilling) locations for sex, but that doesn't sound bad at all... to me, at least!

4. It makes breastfeeding a cinch! See point 1.

5. I believe that babies feel more secure when they sleep near or next to their parents. Think about it: your baby spent roughly nine months inside you, listening to your voice and your heartbeat. I can only imagine that it would be pretty confusing and devastating to suddenly be left to sleep in a big cot, far away from your mom - especially during the crucial first three months of your baby's life (often called the 'fourth trimester'). Bean is an incredibly happy, content and secure little baby who went from sleeping pretty badly to sleeping incredibly well and I have no doubt that it's down to the fact that we started co-sleeping. (He also has reflux - which is getting better and better as the weeks go by, yes! - and I've found that sleeping with him in the crook of my arm, which elevates his head slightly, helps a lot).

6. It takes me no longer than 10 minutes to settle Bean and get him to fall asleep. Promise. I generally rock him if he's being a bit fussy, or I simply put him down in his cot next to me or hold him in my arms in the bed next to me and he falls asleep within minutes. Again, there are evenings when he fusses a bit, but never for longer than about 10 minutes.

As I've said, co-sleeping works for us, but it might not necessarily work for you. Some people don't want to share their beds with their children now - or for the next two, or three, or four years - and that's understandable. My stance is that children grow up so, so fast and I don't think that I'll ever look back and think, "I wish I hadn't co-slept!" In fact, I think that I'll look back at this time fondly and cherish all the cuddles when Bean's a pimply, whiny, smelly teenager who wants nothing to do with me! Also, I think that when it comes to parenting, the most important thing is to begin how you mean to go on... if you're not keen on the idea of lying down with your 18-month-old every evening until they've fallen asleep or having your three-year-old hop into bed with you from time-to-time, then co-sleeping might not be the best option for you. I don't have a problem with this and look forward to more snuggles as Bean grows older.

** There are obviously important safety measures to take into account. We've removed the one side of the cot and pushed it right up against my side of the bed (it's a heavy, sturdy cot, so it isn't likely to move during the night, either) and on nights when Bean does sleep in our bed with us, it's next to me with the cot right beside him - so if he rolls over, it's into the cot and not off the bed. I have a little sleeping bag for Bean and he sleeps in that - whether he's in the cot or in our bed. We ensure that extra blankets and pillows (and our duvet) are far away from him so that there's no chance of him suffocating during the night. It's not recommended that you co-sleep when one or both parents have been drinking. I'm breastfeeding, so I don't drink, and on those nights when my husband drinks, Bean sleeps in his cot. No animals allowed on the bed! There are several other factors to consider and these are pretty easy to find in books and online, so if you're considering co-sleeping, do your research and make sure that you sleep safely! That being said, I've found that I'm very aware of Bean beside me when we co-sleep, even when I'm fast asleep - I think that, as mothers, we're hardwired for this after all! **