1 Month

 To my dear Noah Bean,

We got off to a rocky start. When we first met, it was love at first sight and our first few hours together were absolute bliss. I felt on top of the world and overcome with love for you, and I was in complete awe of who you are and how you came to be. (I still can't believe that you fit inside me, and that my body grew you. It's nothing short of a miracle.) However, a week or so in, and I felt completely overwhelmed and, well, terrified, if I'm truly honest. Simply put, I did not know what to do with you and I was absolutely petrified that I would do something horribly wrong and 'ruin' you forever, somehow.

But slowly, as the days passed and we became a little more familiar to each other, something amazing happened: we learnt to trust each other. I learnt to ignore what I'd read or heard, and I started trusting you and your cues. When you tried to communicate that you were hungry, I fed you - despite the fact that your last feed was a mere 45 minutes ago and all the books say you should feed every three hours. You learnt that you could trust me to understand you and to look after you simply by loving you and by taking care of your needs.

You're six weeks old today and I am so in awe of how far we've come; how much you've grown (those tubby thighs!), how much I've grown. You've taught me so much already: I've become more patient, more selfless, and I now know the true meaning of unconditional love. There have been nights where you've kept me up for five or six hours straight, where I've felt completely flustered and so annoyed with you, but then you lay your little hand (that looks so much like your daddy's hands - one of my most favourite parts of your dad) on my chest while feeding and all is forgotten. I love you and you love me, and that's all that really matters.

Every day I feel sad for who you were yesterday - you're growing and changing so fast, and I want to relish every moment and keep you this tiny forever. But every day I get so excited for who you are today; who you'll be tomorrow. You have so much potential in you right now and I feel so lucky to be able to discover you and who you are with every passing moment. I really am so lucky to be able to call myself your mom and to have the amazing honour of getting to know you so well and so intimately. You are my everything, little guy.

I love you so, so much,
Mom xx